hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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