woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
