Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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