i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
