no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
