somebody snuck up and got me drunk
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
