One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
