Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home