Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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