some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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