jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
