Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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