ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
