he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
