he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
