guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
