Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
