i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
