You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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