He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
