I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
