i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
