i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
