Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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