he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
