Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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