good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
