ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
