i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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