I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
