spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
