first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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