just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize