It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
