She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize