lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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