Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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