So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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