He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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