There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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