All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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