The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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