Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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