Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this boner is exhausting
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
