I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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