this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize