She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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