He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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