Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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