still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
