Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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