even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This baby is an asshole
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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