I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
