at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
