I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
