Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize