I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
