i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
