just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
