My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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