Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass