she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!