47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
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don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/