like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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