dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence