i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
