found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is my gift to your gina
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
