It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
