Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
