Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
