My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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