tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
